Several years back, I've had mixed feelings about Christmas. It was like a part of me wants to rejoice and celebrate in this season of giving but there was also a part of me that grieves and aches for the loss of my mom.
Yes, it was five years ago, a few days before Christmas, when we lost mom. It took me some time before I have overcome this huge feeling of loss. At the time of her death, it has only been less than two months since I got married. I remembered I was juggling my time between work and married life that all I did was wish I could go home and see her. Who knew we would lose her that year? Definitely we were all clueless. If I had known, I thought I would have put off everything else and spend most of my time with her that year. But everything is all in the past now. I know she's happy where she is already. Every time I think of her, I would recall the happy times with her. I would also recall those times when she was starting to worry that I didn't have a lovelife. This was prior to meeting my husband. I would recall those times when she tried to play the matchmaker and gave my cellphone number to anyone she considered a potential match for me. I found this desperate cause to find me my prince charming more funny that it is embarrassing :-) And when I was younger, I also remembered her asking me if I had wished my mom had a job instead of being just a plain housewife so she could help dad financially in sending us to school and in providing for our needs. Indeed, life was a little hard at that time but I am proud of her for being there for us 24/7. I will always miss her and the things that used to be when she was here. I no longer feel sad, though, that she's gone ahead because it is God's will and I have already looked forward to spending a happy Christmas each year.