Monday, March 1, 2010

would you care about what others think of you?


Have you ever been in a situation where others perceive a negative image of you - sometimes to the point of being hurt and almost losing your self-esteem in the process? When I was still working in an office setting, I had my share of office politics. Back then, I used to be team leader before I decided to step down  because I wanted to be free from stress to finally have Dipdip in my life. It's not like I was handling a really big team but I can definitely say that it was a team that was quite a challenge to one's leadership skills, especially when you are just starting.
Well, I guess you could blame it on me because I used to be just the funny officemate and friend until I became appointed as part of the management team, although it wasn't really big time. Naturally, I was like being torn between being a funny friend who can overlook a lot of things and an effective leader at that. It was stressful for me then especially when you are handling some members who believe they can do better than you do for a lot of reasons. Every quarter, I would get below-the-belt comments from some members (trust me, they were really below-the-belt), although some of them were valid feedbacks that I needed to work on to become a better leader. Even though the names were not divulged for members to freely give their feedback online, I knew for certain who wrote those  feedbacks. Why? Because I know their manner and style of writing to the point that I could put faces and names to those statements.

Today, I am happy I didn't have to go through all of that anymore.  But to those who have felt the same way that I did in the past, don't be affected by negative comments around you. Just do what you have to do.

I am now leaving you with the words of wisdom I got from my ex-supervisor slash mentor slash friend. I did not lose this one because I believe this has really helped me become a better person and leader.

Just remember these facts, Jo, and I know the "hurt" you are feeling now, will become healed by wisdom, patience and understanding:

1. Most of the people who are giving bad feedback in a destructive way are those who are hurting. They have low morale themselves--they are disappointed (not necessarily because of you but by circumstances and individual stages in their personal lives); most are desperate and most of them lack enough wisdom themselves and so you cannot really expect from them to express out good judgement about you.

2. Below-the-belt feedback are coming out from people who intend to make use of the opportunity as a means to get even with you. They might have had encountered a bitter experience in the past related to their work and subconsciously even, they wanted to strike you out to make upper management aware about negative things about you.

3. Some people are not really gifted to have tact. Tact is sometimes like a "gift of gab". As I'm sure you already know, it is the ability to express a point without making an enemy. They don't know how to express something negative in a nice way.

4. All persons have their blind spots. I mean all of us cannot really see our own mistakes and pitfalls. It is but normal for us to be hurt when we are being told of something we don't consider as true.

5. The most important is that Leadership is one of the hardest roles in life, whether you are the president of the country, the judge in a courtroom, the 'mayordoma' of among the servants of a wealthy household..etc. You have to be the "humblest", have the widest emotional arena within your heart to accept your mistakes and to love the unlovable subordinates; the one to stand on your principles no matter what other people say, your confidence should not come from yourself but from your Creator - because it is hard to feel confident if you would depend on how other people would look at you. Your confidence to lead effectively should come from your relationship with God, because it is what matters most. Never perceive yourself as how others perceive you..but stand on the right principles you have.

3 comments:

Bchai said...

It's awful to have to go through something petty like that in the workplace, and I'm glad you don't have to deal with it now. When you do head back into the workforce (or one at the office), I hope it doesn't happen again.

Glad you were able to get past some of the hurtful and snide remarks towards you, but I know it isn't always easy to forget the pain and irritation knowing that someone has the nerve and gall to say things behind your back.

Your friend has some great tips to get through those sticky situations, and it's good to remember them too. :)

meretrisha said...

hi bchai, thanks dear. i'm actually over it. this was like five years ago. just thought of sharing this - it might be helpful to others who have experienced the same.

momwriterme said...

Thanks for sharing this story, I think it is something that a lot of people can relate to! (Me included!) The words of wisdom were great - I'm glad you were able to stay strong and overcome this time in your life!

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