Thursday, October 30, 2008

is it the thought that counts? or the tears that fell?

what else is new? i cried again today. i don't know if i can always blame it to hormones and pregnancy stuff but i've been emotionally unstable lately. my emotions are sometimes uncontrollable. when we got home from work, there was one birthday card waiting for him, with a free fastfood meal ticket as a birthday treat. it's from the telecommunications company. call it pathetic but i really felt so bad that i broke into tears because i didn't get anything for my husband's birthday, not even a simple birthday card, like the one he just received.

i've been meaning to get him something for his birthday but since we always go out and go to work together, i didn't have the chance to sneak around and play the thoughtful wife. i had my chance yesterday morning when we had to file for a leave. we had to go separate directions to save some time--he went out to renew his driver's license while i had to visit my ob gyne for my vitamins. unfortunately, ob gyne didn't show up on time, so i wasted the rest of my time waiting for dra. prima donna (you'll have to excuse me for this name-calling) to arrive. and then after that, it was already time to head back to the office.

anyhow, i guess it's the thought that counts. and the tears that fell. husband knows wife loves him so much. i am dedicating this space to my better half, stephen. here are words for your birthday....

my life partner
my best friend
my soulmate
my husband
thank you
for being the man
i can always lean upon
thank you
for loving me
and letting me be
who i am
thank you for the many ways
you've shown your love and respect
thank you for being honest with me
even from the very start
thank you for the ears that always listen
thank you for the hands that never let me slip
thank you for your heart that cares
thank you for this baby in my womb
i love you...
everything about you...
happy birthday, pangga!

Monday, October 27, 2008

we are a work in progress

“We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.-- Phyllis Koss”

there's one SMS from my mother in-law that has kept me smiling today. it made me remember and reminisce the day stephen and i made our vows. she said she had remembered what they went through that day. they didn't realize that the driver sent them to the wrong church. to make matters worst, their car almost ran out of gas to be able to make it to the right church on time!

in our case (with mom and dad), we were also frantic because we were stuck in traffic. we had our travel time delayed because we were also waiting for the van of my entourage to arrive but it was nowhere in sight. we waited a little while longer until dad decided to have them ride taxicabs, instead. the traffic in country mall also made us worry if we would ever make it to church on time. mom was very calm and optimistic, though. she just prayed out loud to God that He would help us get to church on time.

luckily, and with God's grace, we made it to our wedding. when we arrived, there were several calls from the church commentator already for the wedding march to start. we were like five to ten minutes late. whew, we were really glad the priest didn't walk out on us.

my tensed face was replaced with relief and gladness when i caught sight of my groom who arrived three minutes earlier than we did.

next thing i knew i was already walking down the aisle with him during the march. and everyone was looking at me like i'm the prettiest bride that day. well, that made sense, because they got to witness only one wedding that day also. cool!

i was happy the wedding ceremony went well. we just realized after the ceremony though that we have placed each other's wedding ring in the middle finger. what a blooper!

then rain came pouring down before everyone had the chance to proceed to the reception area (the Fatima Social Hall) just a few meters from the church. some guests were able to make it to the reception without getting wet but some weren’t so lucky. we weren’t able to give everyone a ride in our bridal car. anyway, despite all these, we were just so glad to still see all happy faces during the reception.

speaking of reception, we were supposed to distribute giveaways but because of the rain, we’ve forgotten all about it. they just stayed there inside the trunk of the car. we just remembered all about it when the wedding was over. belated souvenirs, beat that!

we got everyone a nice treat, though- as we got Sonata singers to entertain our guests. my husband who happens to be Mr. Shy Type told me he didn’t want any wedding dance to happen but, to my surprise, the band got him to dance with me! yipeee..

before we knew it, we already said our thank-you’s and goodbyes to everybody. we’re up for honeymoon time! we were greeted at the hotel with a nice sparkling wine as a complimentary gift. definitely, the best part! no, not referring to the wine :)

just like our wedding day, there had been unexpected turns in our life but we’re glad to have faced them both together as a couple. it’s definitely been a year of life's bliss. and still counting. as my good friend and ku-marie sheila had said, to which stephen and i both agree, we have received the greatest wedding anniversary gift already. our future offspring. still developing inside my womb. wrapping out soon.

Friday, October 24, 2008

my mom's legacy

i am such a cry-baby. i cry over even the smallest of things--sad commercials, soap operas, sad movie endings, stomach cramps, etc. you can just imagine how it is going with me especially now that i am pregnant. hormones, yes, that's a good guess. or maybe i am just plainly old me!

you see, i was watching my favorite drama on tv "Iisa Pa Lamang" and i felt so bad that i could relate to the sad plight of claudine barretto's character where it got me teary-eyed. in-between commercials, i was also going through our wedding album and found my mom's letter safely kept in one of those picture holders. mommy wrote it for me and stephen the morning after our wedding. i cried again. her letter would always touch my heart even though i've re-read it several times. i realized that this was the last letter she had made for me (and hubby). it pains me still. i'm happy. i'm sad. it's always a roller coaster ride. i'm happy because i know where she is right now. in a safe place. but i'm sad, too. coz i thought she'd still be here for long. i'm looking forward to our wedding anniversary because mom was also a special part of it but it's also nearing december and that's the time we lost her last year. we never even got the chance to celebrate christmas with her. :(

going back to this letter, i would like to share this one on the internet because i'm proud of my mom. she has left me quite a legacy. this was simply written, but was definitely written from the heart.

Everdearest Joanne and Stephen,

Greetings!

You are now entering a new life of togetherness, full of hope and anticipation with all its benefits and obligations that go along with it. Trust and Pray to God alone for help that you both and your future children can triumph over trifles. There are many thorns in every roses, despite the fragrance and beauty they bring. God made it so- so you can learn to render sacrifices when there's trials. Why are there trials? Because our humility is tested - to accept our faults and follies and learn to forgive and be forgiven. Love is so wonderful... if you continue to love each other for better or for worse, in health and sickness. Always try to patch things up before sundown. Don't allow self-pity. Remember you love each other, so be strong against temptations and trials. If you get angry at anything be soft to say it so that it shall not build up to be a wall against harmony. Never allow to forget to eat when hunger urged you to eat. Even if you have misunderstanding, don't use the grace of God - your food on the table - to wait till you're cool. Patch up at once- so that your immune system will be working well with your body and soul. A sick body is a sick soul. Always look at things in positive direction. Always Love God before anything. In everything, in every thought, in every decision - ask GOD for direction. Marriage is so wonderful but 2 must work for it.

Love,
Mom

Thursday, October 23, 2008

is it still a secret if i knew all about it?

have you ever found out something about someone you wished you hadn't? everybody has secrets. some things weren't meant to be revealed but for some reason, somebody makes a complete idiot of himself/herself and messed it up. well, at least that's how it occurred to me. everytime i bump into this person, i thought to myself, "how can you ruin yourself like that?" i know in the eyes of many, this person is somebody you would want to look up to, emulate or something but quite sadly, he/she is a complete disappointment. nobody's perfect, indeed, but i guess this one won't make a decent excuse. we are all capable for our actions. we are responsible for our own mess. how in the world is he/she going to fix that? i wonder. i'm sure somebody else knows about this "secret" stuff. if it's any consolation, i'm not gonna blow it. that secret is safe with me, even though i honestly never liked what i knew. hmmm, i had better stop this before it turns out to be a blind item.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

not feeling good today

Free Smileys & Emoticons at Clipart of.com
i've been sneezing for the nth time today. stuffy nose, heavy head, sore throat, what-have-you. not feeling quite well. i guess i caught a really bad cold. flu perhaps. and it's interfering with my concentration at work! all the prize we have to pay for being pregnant, tsk tsk. i just hope that this will go away soon or else i might have to ask my doctor to prescribe me something safe to relieve me of this condition. will have to wait until sunday though for my next scheduled pre-natal visit. meanwhile, i'll have to make do with drinking lots of water and getting some rest whenever i can.

extra bonus: i feel very sleepy! hopefully, next year, i'll be more productive. this year, i believe, i'm entitled to a maximum tolerance. :)

okay, i have to get back to work now. just had lunch and i wasn't enjoying my meal. appetite is definitely on leave, indefinitely.

Friday, October 17, 2008

IRENE SILVA -- making a name in U.K.

i can't let a few more blogs pass without featuring Irene Silva, now making a name in the UK and overseas. as her cousin (she's Tito Manny's daughter, so we're first cousins!), i'm proud of her talent. good luck, irene! check out her debut single below.

planning on dining out?




eating outside the house, literally. one of the things i miss doing back home in medellin. it's a fun way of enjoying each other's company without ever having to dress up and leave home. this is our great bonding alternative when we want to spend quality time together as a family but do not have enough budget to go to the beaches or anywhere else. and the author of this activity? my late mommy diana. when she received money as a gift from her sweet sister abroad, she bought this tent for this purpose. we would set up the tent, dining table and chairs whenever we want to have lunch together outside the house. cool air, good ambience, perfect family bonding. memories of mom. they keep coming. i will always miss her and the many great things she has taught us.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Bridget Jones: that's not my name! :)

Looking back, I never thought I would ever find someone I would marry. It was even hard to get myself a boyfriend for an inspiration. I guess I’ve never been that attractive to men. While most women have been blessed with good looks and good curves, I have been blessed with brains more than the physical aspect. I’m not saying I’m too ugly to be with anybody. It’s just that I had a lot more insecurities at that time than I can handle. I was young then. I hated it when people and "so-called" friends notice your flaws instead of focusing on the positive things about you. In short, I have always felt less beautiful but I have somehow managed to hide my insecurities by always being the funny and witty girl around. I was always everybody’s friend. I was always the unattached. By being so, I have excused myself from being somebody’s apple of the eye. But it was always my family who saw me as beautiful. My mom would always say I’m a late bloomer, the reason why I haven’t met my guy yet.

I then kept praying to God to liberate me out of my insecurities. That’s when I was able to accept and love myself. Then I started to care for myself even more. I decided I should love myself first before I could love someone else and being loved in return. It didn’t take long for me to feel beautiful after that.

To cut the story short, I had met and dated a few before I met the right one. The first time I saw him, I thought he was familiar. I even said to myself, “This guy would make a good husband.” How in the world did I know that? I barely knew him coz I was a newcomer in the company. At that time, I realized he was very attached with somebody. So instantly I have cut my illusions about him being God-sent for me.

Then I went on with my life being the unattached. Keeping myself busy with my job. And always praying to God. I realized that there are lots of things going on in your head when you’re twenty-something. You’ll start to think about your purpose in life. I kept praying to God for direction.

Two years after, we were already in the same situation, he became unattached. No matter how long you'd be in a relationship, if it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be. He courted me when he was already free and ready to be in a new relationship. We've already known each other for years and so it didn’t take long for our personalities to jive.

We got married a year after. And surprised a few colleagues. They didn’t think we would end up to be mister and missus. Or maybe not too soon. Well, surprise, surprise!

Now I’m 18 weeks pregnant. We will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary this month. It hasn’t been a long journey, but so far, we’ve surpassed all the trials that came along. We never stopped praying to God that He would bless our married life. I felt that He did! Who could ask for more?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

pregnancy complications

it's been awhile since my last update. somehow i've acquired some complications that go along with my pregnancy. for one, i believe it's major laziness. i just realized i haven't been very useful in the house lately. my husband doesn't complain much about it although i try to make it up by doing the laundry. i get easily tired and sleepy most of the time. waking up early and getting to work on time is also a major problem, hubby has to drag me out of bed. good thing, though, we haven't been tardy since the start of my pregnancy but every working day has always been a rush hour. oops, i know this wouldn't sell for a movie. sorry, jackie chan!

if there's anything i'm crazy about doing-- it's eating! the first trimester was a disaster, i almost can't eat anything. now that i am already in my 17th week, i am literally eating for two. i know i should watch my diet but i really can't help it. my growing appetite is a major hindrance. hubby thinks i am making my pregnancy as an excuse to eat anything i like because he knows i love to eat even when i was still single. but really -- this is different. my appetite is getting strange these days. i get hungry most of my waking time :). in fact, it's almost dinner time. hubby is cooking "utan bisaya", a dish with all the vegetables that we love. it's pure good stuff this time. i can eat for two again, without feeling guilty.

okay, so it means i'm ending this blog now. i have to do my share in preparing the table. hmmm, am i getting useful or what? i love my husband!!!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

a dream within a dream

i thought i've finally freed myself from experiencing weird dreams, but i guess i'll just have to get used to it. like sequels to a movie. last night, i was dreaming of my mom visiting me. for all you know, it hasn't been a year since she passed away. in that dream, i woke up in the middle of the night to find her sitting on a chair in the right side of the bed, watching me sleep, like a mom (she's my mom!) watching her little baby. it was weird because we don't have a chair near our bed. i felt groggy but i was so happy to see mom. we started to have a conversation but i didn't realize i had awakened my husband from his sleep. he asked me who i was talking to. i was about to tell him about mom's presence but she hurriedly ran downstairs and left. i cried because i didn't understand why mom left. hubby said there was no one else in the house but him and me. that's when i remembered that she's already on the other side of the world. and then i woke up and realized it was just a dream.

and then i woke up and realized it was just a dream. a dream within a dream! it was one weird dream, all right. but i was happy to see mom in a good form, even if it's just a dream. i now realize, she's never too far away. we connect through prayers and dreams.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

classical music

when it comes to music, i can say that i am eclectic. i don’t just listen to a particular genre. suffice it to say, i know good music when i hear one. well, it’s not a crime to claim to be music-minded. after all, this is my blog hehe. right now, though, as my pregnancy progresses, i am more careful about the music i listen to. i learned that there were studies about loud and aggressive music being linked to birth defects. true or not, most (if not all) hopeful moms would like to be always on the safe side. so, i say, no more rap, grunge or hard rock at this point in time.

they say classical music is best for the unborn child because this type of music has soothing and calming qualities. now i’m beginning to love mozart and beethoven. i don’t restrict myself to classical music, though. love songs and other pleasant melodies can add up to my okay list.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

weird dreams, anyone?

i was taken aback when i recently had some series of weird dreams. they were weird but they felt so real that it had me wondering what these dreams really mean. in one of those dreams, my husband was really mad at me that he sent me mean words through SMS. i thought it's really weird, why would he express his anger through SMS when he would have said it to my face since we are living in one roof? and it was not like my husband at all, totally opposite from the real world. in another dream, i was running so fast just to get to school. it was really weird because i went back to high school. and here's another weird but scary dream -- in my prenatal visit, the doctor told me that there was something wrong with my pregnancy but she said she will not tell me about it, because if she did, i might resort to committing suicide. it felt so helpless in the dream, i kept crying about the situation because another doctor honestly told me that i had "stage 3". there was no mention of cancer, just "stage 3". my head was really confused at that instant and i kept thinking, "what will happen to me?" ... "will i lose my precious baby?" or "will I lose my life?" thankfully, i woke up and realized it was all a dream. a bad dream.

it's not that i haven't been praying before going to bed. hubby and i regularly take turns in leading the prayer. so i got really upset about those weird and bad dreams. it was a relief to find that these weird dreams are common during pregnancy, especially during the second trimester. change in hormones. adjustment to changes in the body, etc. i thought maybe i should pray harder and keep myself more comfortable in bed. and keep bad thoughts about my pregnancy away. the internet can also be a helpful tool for a first-timer like me.

thank God, it's been two days of sleeping minus those weird and bad dreams. if there was any, i can't remember any of it when i woke up.
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