Tuesday, December 30, 2008

a daughter's sentiment

during mom's death anniversary, dad, me and my siblings had a small talk. just a casual talk, until the subject shifted to dad trying to get to know somebody else via the internet and SMS. as a daughter who's been very close to mom when she was still alive, i just cannot welcome the thought of dad finding and re-marrying somebody else. call me selfish but that's just how it feels right now. you see, it's only been a year... i thought it's just too soon. even if he would wait another year or two, i still wouldn't like the idea of dad finding somebody else. i would have understood if dad had been a widower at an early age but he's already 60, why still long to find somebody new? i thought it would be great if he would just focus on helping my siblings to achieve a better future.

i've been open to dad about my objection to the possibility of him finding a new wife later on. but since i'm just a daughter, i could not stop him to do what he wishes. i just told him that i only have a mother and a mother-in-law. mom may no longer be here in this world but her presence will always be felt in my heart.

i am aware though that even when mom was still alive, she used to tell dad that he could still find somebody else if she leaves in this world ahead of him. i don't know why she kept saying this, must be some sort of a premonition. still, i couldn't help but express my objection to the thought of him remarrying.

semper fidelis--latin for "always faithful." mom and dad used to say this to one another, their motto as husband and wife. i've always admired their love for each other that i thought this extends beyond death. somehow, i felt a pang of disappointment. yes, couples vowed only "till death do us part" but i do believe that if one went through a long, happy and memorable marriage, you can't even think about finding someone else. that one marriage would already be enough.

maybe i'm just not ready yet at the thought of dad trying to get to know other women. i don't know. i just felt like he shouldn't. not yet. or maybe not ever, if possible. i just thought there are other things that deserve his time and attention. i do want him to be happy but can't he just be happy with the way things are?

i hope there's anyone out here who can relate to what i am feeling.

and i also hope my dad won't be able to read any of this.

2 comments:

bchai said...

Meretrisha, I can understand why you're upset about this, especially since your mom has been gone for a very short time. Right now, I think only time can tell how your dad feels about things and if he'll still feel this way a few months from now.

Shanix said...

jo, i think your dad wants to have somebody around for him all the time, esp. to take care of him. i am sure that all of you (his children) are all grown ups and he is left alone in the house, lonely and not having someone to share with anything. i think he is still sad about your mom's death you just don't know and he kept it hidden inside of him. try to tell him to engage in sports and other activities so his loneliness be diverted.

when my mother died my father said to our neighbors (not to us) that he's looking for a woman. we never opposed to it but his wants faded instantly because a lot of us in the house my brothers, nieces and nephews around to talk to him. i also bought him an airgun to hunt birds in our province if ever he wanted to and in a matter of years he forgot to find one woman he said.

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