Tuesday, December 30, 2008

a daughter's sentiment

during mom's death anniversary, dad, me and my siblings had a small talk. just a casual talk, until the subject shifted to dad trying to get to know somebody else via the internet and SMS. as a daughter who's been very close to mom when she was still alive, i just cannot welcome the thought of dad finding and re-marrying somebody else. call me selfish but that's just how it feels right now. you see, it's only been a year... i thought it's just too soon. even if he would wait another year or two, i still wouldn't like the idea of dad finding somebody else. i would have understood if dad had been a widower at an early age but he's already 60, why still long to find somebody new? i thought it would be great if he would just focus on helping my siblings to achieve a better future.

i've been open to dad about my objection to the possibility of him finding a new wife later on. but since i'm just a daughter, i could not stop him to do what he wishes. i just told him that i only have a mother and a mother-in-law. mom may no longer be here in this world but her presence will always be felt in my heart.

i am aware though that even when mom was still alive, she used to tell dad that he could still find somebody else if she leaves in this world ahead of him. i don't know why she kept saying this, must be some sort of a premonition. still, i couldn't help but express my objection to the thought of him remarrying.

semper fidelis--latin for "always faithful." mom and dad used to say this to one another, their motto as husband and wife. i've always admired their love for each other that i thought this extends beyond death. somehow, i felt a pang of disappointment. yes, couples vowed only "till death do us part" but i do believe that if one went through a long, happy and memorable marriage, you can't even think about finding someone else. that one marriage would already be enough.

maybe i'm just not ready yet at the thought of dad trying to get to know other women. i don't know. i just felt like he shouldn't. not yet. or maybe not ever, if possible. i just thought there are other things that deserve his time and attention. i do want him to be happy but can't he just be happy with the way things are?

i hope there's anyone out here who can relate to what i am feeling.

and i also hope my dad won't be able to read any of this.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Merry Bloated Christmas

Meretrisha and a Happy New Year...

Hello friends, I'm back. It has been a pretty longggg time minus the blogging. I had been wanting to update my blog but, for the past few days, sleeping (next to eating) became my passion. After reading some great blogs from my favorite friends and bloggers, it would already feel like it's bedtime. I couldn't think of anything to write, anyway. I can only imagine our bed, the pillows, and a good night's sleep with my husband.

So what has kept me busy for the past week or so?

Our company just had our Christmas Party last December 13th (yeah right, it's the same date as my high school reunion). It was a successful event. We've been wanting to go home with the washing machine but Stephen won an MP4 from the raffle, instead. I on the other hand won a computer keyboard. That's not all--our team won the Christmas caroling contest! Because I'm pregnant, I had the privilege of not joining in the presentation and games. Sometimes it's fun to be just the spectator. Here are some pics during the Christmas party.


It was a surefire fun event for all of us. The food was great. I guess I've been eating too much these days. Definitely not a good thing to do throughout my pregnancy. Somebody stop me! :)


Look at my tummy, I sure did look full. Hehehe.

Last Saturday (December 20th), we went to Compostela--mom's death anniversary. The family just had a simple get-together--went to church and had lunch. Expectedly, I ate a lot, especially fruit salad, can't do away with it. So, here's what my tummy have become, at 6 months+.

Then came Sunday, my prenatal schedule. My ob gyne was surprised to learn that my weight has increased from 122 lbs. last month to 134 lbs. this month. Hahaha. If I don't do anything about my appetite, I will really bloat big time. I am so looking forward to Noche Buena!!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

family's sad time

I got an early message from dad this morning. He said that this was the same day and time, a year ago today, when they (he and my brother) had forced open the bathroom door because mom just fell down and fainted while taking a shower. Earlier that day, he and mom were cleaning the room. It looked like an ordinary day until mom took a shower and they heard a loud noise coming from the bathroom. They immediately lifted her and rushed her back to the bedroom. There was no bleeding or a bump in the head. This incident happened in Medellin, in the northernmost part of Cebu. Our family took refuge there when dad was hired to do the job as mill shift engineer after the sugar milling in San Carlos City declared bankruptcy. I was in Mandaue working. The news just shocked me. When mom awoke, she wasn’t aware of what had happened to her but she said she had a terrible headache. She felt dizzy when she got up but had managed to go to the CR with my brother’s assistance to answer the call of nature. Dad’s reading of her blood pressure indicated that she had hypertension. They tried to let her drink the medicine to lower her blood pressure but it seems that it would turn normal only for a while. That had been their observation overnight. The morning after that, mom still complained of a terrible headache and so they went to the company clinic for immediate medical assistance. There she was admitted and had been under observation. She was prescribed with medicine for hypertension. Unfortunately, her blood pressure hardly went down and she constantly complained of the same terrible headache. The doctor in charge suspected that this was more than just a hypertension and finally told dad that she had to be referred to a hospital in Cebu City. And it had to be done immediately. Dad was unprepared for this kind of thing. Although the company would eventually refund a portion of the hospital expenses, he had no means to pay even just for the downpayment as what was left of his salary wouldn’t be enough. Stephen and I just got married 2 months before mom’s incident, so, all our savings went to the wedding expenses as well as for the payment of our housing loan. Dad had asked me if there was anything I can do about it, as it was a real emergency. Fortunately, I was able to borrow from an officemate the amount that would be enough for mom’s admittance to the hospital. They wheeled mom in an ambulance from Medellin to Cebu City. We were waiting for them to arrive. Mom must have sensed that something was wrong with what she’s feeling because of the urgency. She can’t believe she’s been transported in an ambulance, she seemed in shock.

At the hospital, mom underwent several procedures to check if there was any possible head trauma when she fell in the bathroom. Further interviews led the doctor to suspect that she has brain aneurysm. The MRI and angiogram confirmed the aneurysm. We were all devastated. How could this happen to mom?

When your family is not that well-off, this kind of situation would really give you so much of a headache. You're not only concerned about the welfare of the patient, you would also worry about how to produce the amount for the medical bills. The neurosurgeon told us that mom needed surgery before the vein inside the brain will have ruptured. But the cost of the surgery was defeaning to the ears as he spoke about P400,000 to P500,000 just for this procedure. The surgery, we were told, should be done 7 days or earlier after the angiogram is performed, but still it would all depend upon the condition of the brain. Even through all that, there was no assurance that it would be a successful surgery but they said we got one of the best neurosurgeons in town. Even after the surgery became successful, mom had to be under therapy of some sort, talk about medical expenses again.

Where in the world would we get that amount, in that short span of time? We felt so helpless about the situation until mom's sister, Tita J, a nurse in NJ, offered to produce the amount just to save the life of her sister. We knew mom had been listening to our conversation all along. I remembered she openly told us before she didn't wish to be bedridden and looked after like she will be a burden to her family. It was obvious, even if mom didn't say anything, she didn't want the brain surgery to happen. She knew she could turn "vegetable" if she was kept alive. And so, I figured, she didn't cooperate. Or was it God's will that she went into comatose just when the family had decided we will take the best option to save her life? Surgery can't happen when patient is in comatose. Her high blood pressure wouldn't even go away. She was then transferred to the ICU. I don't even want to go into details after that. I even wonder how I managed to type this far. I never wanted to go back to this sad time but as the 20th of December gets nearer, the memory of it becomes clearer. Our dearest mom was not able to hang on to her life. Everything happened so fast, in less than 2 weeks.

That's the saddest thing that the family went through last year. It was hard. It was unexpected. We may not understand why God had allowed it to happen but we all just lifted everything all up to Him.

Within our trying times, our families and friends were always there to support us. We could never thank them enough.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

married life

One great thing about being married is having a partner to share your troubles with although some would say that you wouldn't also be into some kind of trouble have you not gotten married haha. I'm not saying that married life is all about troubles and problems of some sort. More than anything, marriage gives you that certain kind of happiness-- that is, if you really are meant to be married after all.

I believe it will just come to a person. And it wouldn't matter how short or how long the relationship had been going. It will just hit you. The time when you think that both of you are ready and wanted to be with each other for the rest of your lives.

In one of our conversations, my sister had asked me, "Don't you two even argue?" We argue less, but yes we do argue but we make it a point to stay out of the boiling point. Sometimes when it's close to getting a fight, one of us would opt to stay calm. I would also remember to read again mom's letter for both of us. And then I would be reminded about our happy times together. It would then be so hard to stay mad or angry at the man I chose to love and marry.

Stephen and I--we were not born rich, financially. We work to earn a living and to be able to pay for our existence. But together, as husband and wife, we are looking forward to improving our lives to create a better future for our family. And yes, as the Carpenters song goes "We've only just begun..." Our married life is way too young compared to those marriages that are already "tried-and-tested."

Hmmm, I just noticed I talk or write about my husband a lot. I usually do this everytime he's asleep. And he sleeps like a baby! I feel like joining him to bed already. So, like Cinderella, I better be in bed before the clock strikes twelve. I'm turning Sleeping Beauty now. Goodnight.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Thankful Wednesday

Surprisingly, there’s not much to do in the office today as I’m already way ahead of my deadlines. So while I'm still idle after taking our lunch today, I thought I should write down what's in my head at the moment.

Sometimes small deeds or simple thoughts of concern would be enough to brighten your day. This morning, the office had a happy, upbeat mode. An officemate brought with him his nice set of speakers, the kind that goes boom-boom when connected to music from the Internet or from one’s PC. Everyone sang along and had a happy time until the audio and bass seem to have gotten louder. My officemate-friend Sheila was quick to notice it and sort of reminded the officemate not to set the bass too loud as it could possibly affect the baby I'm carrying inside my womb. I never thought about it until she had let me realize that even adults would palpitate when bass is set too loud. I was greatly touched at this simple thought or act of concern.

I know I've already said my thank-you piece to her via YM- but here's another- Thank you, marie! Sweetness really comes naturally now with you.


thank you,thanks

Monday, December 8, 2008

Another Great Victory for Manny

Great victory! Manny Pacquiao has once again proved that size doesn't really matter. He has continued to make a lot of Filipinos happy by giving a great fight against boxing legend Oscar dela Hoya. I know Manny's a great fighter, no doubt about it, but I just didn't think he could make the Golden Boy quit after the eighth round. His strong jabs and punches almost had Oscar's one eye closed. Manny didn't even seem to have obtained even the slightest physical injury from the fight. It was a great game.

I was thinking if were a real gambler, I would've been counting my winnings and planning out a vacation with my husband by now. And probably do more shopping. :)

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Rooting for Manny Pacquiao

Anticipation is almost over. The Dream Match between Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao and "The Golden Boy" Oscar Dela Hoya is set on December 6, 2008 (December 7 if you are in the Philippines) at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. It will surely be a holiday weekend for us here in the Philippines since majority (if not all) of us will be glued on tv to watch out for this fight. I am not a Kapuso but since The Dream Match will be aired on television this Sunday via the GMA Network, I have no other choice but to switch my channel just to see this fight. Don't worry ABS-CBN, I'm still a Kapamilya, though hehehe. More than being a Kapamilya, I'm also a Filipino. And I will be proud to see how Pacman jabs his way to winning this fight over the Golden Boy.

I am not the sporty type person, but everytime Manny has a fight, I transform into one. One of Manny's fights had a very special place in my heart. It was during his Mano-A-Mano fight with "Chololo" Larios that Stephen (now my husband) and I had been texting each other. He was also rooting for Manny but then he pretended to be on Larios' side just so we could make a bet that if Manny wins, I get to win a Toblerone chocolate. Now, wasn't that a perfectly good excuse for him to give me something without being shy about it? Wasn't boxing the sweetest thing? Now that we're married, I asked him if we're going to have another bet going for this Dream Match, he already dismissed the idea because he said if any of us wins, we get to share the chocolate, anyway. So we just bought ourselves something to eat and drink instead.

Happy watching, everyone! Win or lose, Manny's gonna get some money. Oh well, and so will Oscar.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

wide awake with random thoughts

some days i feel so sleepy. some days my eyes are wide awake and today is just one of those days. why is this so? i wonder. maybe i've been thinking about my brother's nursing licensure exam. he just took the first set today. he'll have the other set tomorrow. we've been praying to God that he will pass this licensure exam. as you know, it is our tita juliet in new jersey who sponsored for his education. i know that there's nothing else that can make her happy but for him to finally make it to the end. but i'm not only praying that he pass it in order to give delight to our aunt--more than anything else, it's his future i'm so concerned about. i want him to finally feel that sense of fulfillment for himself. that he will already feel what it's like to reap the fruits of your own labor. so here i am again, pleading to God, that he will grant what I have prayed for on my birthday.

the baby is starting to kick me. looks like he/she wanted me to get to bed already, sleepy or not. i'm going and gone now.

p.s.
good luck, jason john! no matter what happens, you're still my brother :)

Thank God It Was Friday

I've been putting off going to SSS to get a new ID card that should already bear my married name. If it is not needed for my maternity benefits/claims next year, I would have postponed it until I give birth but then I learned it's part of the requirements. Blah blah blah. Since our company follows the American holidays, I had the opportunity to schedule my visit to the SSS last Friday.

Hubby and I had it carefully planned. Or so we thought. We woke up at 5 a.m., took a quick breakfast and shower, got dressed, and hurried our way to SSS. We got there by 7:30 a.m. Our target was to arrive at 7 a.m. but I guess we weren't so lucky with commuting. As far as I know, when we arrived, the office hours hasn't really started yet but to my dismay, we were told by the security guard that we can no longer make our transaction on that day because they can only accommodate 160 persons each day to have their IDs taken (talk about computerization with some limitations). Unfortunately, all the priority numbers were already released. I learned that people came in as early as 5:30 a.m. or 6 a.m. to get their priority numbers. I was a little disappointed with the system. How can they expect me to arrive as early as 6 a.m.? Don't they have some consideration for pregnant women like me? Grrrr. I don't know but I'm really sure there's something that needs to be fixed with the system. I wouldn't mind being scheduled on a specific day of their choice as long as I know I will surely be accommodated. It's a waste of time and effort to be there only to find out you can't make your transaction because somebody else came in a little earlier than you do.

Should I say Thanksgiving Day is not my lucky day? Well, I know it has nothing to do with it. I just hope I'd be lucky to be finally accommodated on my next scheduled visit. Hopefully.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

here's what I think about Christmas...

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

Everywhere I go, something always tells me Christmas is definitely just around the corner. People already started to put up Christmas lights and decorations in their homes, Christmas songs are frequently played over the radio, malls are having their own pre-Christmas sale, blogs about Christmas are everywhere, and people are already busy thinking of what to give to their loved ones this Christmas.

I used to look forward to the Christmas holidays until last year came and broke my spirit. It was December 20th of last year that we lost our mom. Everytime I think about it, I feel like asking myself “What’s there to celebrate?” Christmas will always remind me about losing her.

But then I guess I need to look deeper into the real essence of Christmas. That it’s not just about merry-making, get-togethers and family reunions. Come to think of it, we are celebrating our Savior’s birthday. This is not our day. It is His. Since it is His, there’s so much to celebrate about it.

I guess I deserve a whipping each time my human nature strikes again. My mom would definitely not like it if I continue to feel sad about losing her.

From hereon, I will begin to look forward to Christmas thanking the Lord for the years we spent with mom, for all the blessings, happy times spent with our loved ones, for the trials that made us stronger, and for giving Himself to us as a gift.

And so this is Christmas…

Merry Christmas Mom, we miss you!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

trying to be back in the saddle

It looks like I haven’t written anything for like three days. Last week, I was caught up with one challenging project in the office that almost all of my energy went into it, and by the time I got home, I was too tired to even think about anything. I tried to be in the writing mode but before I could get my fingers typing, my eyes were already drooping that I had to give in to my sleepiness.

Over the weekend, I felt I wanted nothing more than just curling up in bed with my husband and sleep all the weariness away. This morning, though, I looked up at my notes in the calendar and realized that it's my pre-natal schedule with my ob gyne. So, it's not the 28th, huh? Whatever happened to my sense of time? Fortunately, we still made it to the clinic on time--I was her 18th patient. Well, there wasn't much of an update. Dra. wanted me to continue taking iron-folic and omega-3, and just replaced my vitamin B complex with calcium. I was unaware that I had been eating too much ever since I've had a word with Manang L about the size of my belly as ob gyne noticed that I've put on a lot more weight this month. Last month, I was 115 lbs., now I weighed 122 lbs. Whew! Anyway, she still said that it was still within my allowable weight, thank God. Also, I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again via Doppler and I grew more and more excited about being a mom. I asked Dra. if it's already possible to know the gender of our baby but she said that's it's too early yet. She suggested that I have it checked on my 7th month. Hmmm, all the while I thought I would already know it during my 5th month as I've made some research about it but I guess ob gyne knows best. Anyhow, it wouldn't hurt to wait a couple of months more.

Meantime, I've gotta get used to this sleepiness. It's good for me, anyway. In fact, I shouldn't still be awake at this time--but I'm glad I made it through the end of this post. Tomorrow begins again a week of battling with myself and my work. Deadlines. I needed to be up and running. I have to finish the job before we leave for Thanksgiving. That's right, we're following American holidays in the office.

So that's about it for now. I am signing off.

And it ended abruptly. :) *yawn*

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

nothing seems to fit? oh no!

Time flies so fast. It's getting more and more obvious. My belly. I realized I almost run out of clothes to wear. It looks like I have outgrown almost everything I have in my closet and nothing seems to fit me anymore. Don't you just hate it when you have to search for anything still wearable at this time? Ah, I told my husband, we're going shopping this week. Just a pair or two every payday. I'm not planning to buy lots of maternity clothes though because I know this pregnancy won't last very long. We would rather save it for baby's future needs.

Here's a sneak peek at my growing belly. Hubby just took a shot of this tonight. Should I let it grow more by eating more? I think there's nothing wrong with my appetite, though. I eat anytime I feel hungry. So, no worries.


Don't I look awful? hehehe.. I guess I'll just have to sleep this off. Goodnight.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

care for some protection?

I just got a call today from my elder brother who works in Abu Dhabi. It was so sweet of him to ask how I am doing with my pregnancy and all that. I told him I'm okay and that I'm already in my 5th month. He had strict reminders: Take care of the baby. Cover your belly with black cloth when you go to sleep. Now the black cloth was something new to me. So I asked, What's with the black cloth, bro? He said it's for protection or covering against negative elements around, like aswang. And that's not all, he also added that I should have with me garlic and ginger in the bedroom, still for protection purposes, because they help drive the negative elements away. Now that wasn't the first time that I've heard about the garlic and ginger stuff because I've seen it already in the movies and I know of some superstitious preggies who are really doing this. My brother's pointers had me paranoid a little bit. After the call ended, I asked my husband not to sleep ahead of me hehe but then he dozed off just now. Whew!

I felt like God was telling me from somewhere "What little faith you have!" Now I'm thinking. I realized that there is nothing to fear. God is with us all the time. There's no better protection but prayers, prayers that are sincerely said. It's our faith in Him that's going to keep us stronger. Eventually, the good will always win over the bad. Amen.

Dear brother, if you should call me again, let's talk about positive things :)

Saturday, November 15, 2008

should i be worried?

Yesterday, when me and my husband were heading home after an eight hours' work, we bumped into Manang L, the owner of a carenderia just beside our office. Everytime we bump into each other, she usually has something friendly to say to me, although I didn't like how she would often mistake or call me "Janet" (she meant "Jenneth", a friend/ex-officemate/ex-lunchmate of mine, who already found a new life with her American husband in Ozark, Arkansas) when we've already known each other for years. Don't get me wrong, though, I don't have anything against my good friend, Jenneth. Maybe I just find it irritating everytime Manang L displays episodes of selective amnesia. Anyhow, I'm willing to forgive Manang L for it as she must've been too stressed preparing all the viands each day, or worse, she must've been affected by a lot of monosodium glutamate intake in her cooking which probably blocked her memory moisture hehehe.

Yesterday was surprisingly her "tactless day". I didn't know what got into her but she got me worried at first with her opening greeting. She looked and me and commented that she's not comfortable with my pregnancy. I was worried. Having heard that from her who has already experienced two pregnancies in her lifetime meant that I'm probably in trouble. I asked her why, please expound. She said my tummy looked too small yet and I didn't look like I am five months' pregnant. She said that I should eat a lot, especially vegetables. Whoaa, I thought to myself, should I be worried? Although her suggestion regarding eating vegetables seemed viable, I don't think her comment regarding the size of my tummy should affect me. For one, she's not my O.B. gyne, and she's not even one. My O.B. gyne takes record of my growing tummy for each visit and I didn't hear any negative feedback from her. Second, I should be the one to know if my pregnancy feels comfortable or not, not her. Third, I can feel that my baby is comfortable inside as he/she moves around and kicks me a lot, many times during the day. So I shoved the conversation off and tagged my husband along and said our goodbyes to her.

Hmmm, what a day! I wonder what she'd say to me next week. What do you think, Janet, er Jenneth? :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

inside story: my baby update

i have been feeling my baby's strong movements and kicks this week especially when i'm working in the office and sitting for hours. i know it's my baby moving around, it feels different. it's not painful but it should be enough to get me fidgeted, but only for a while. it's really a wonderful feeling everytime i feel the little one moving inside. for now, though, hubby can't still feel the baby kicking. maybe in the next month or so, he should be lucky enough to feel those kicks. the very first time i told him that i felt the baby's movements inside, his face lightened up! i wonder what his facial expression would be when he would be able to feel it for himself.

and if anyone is wondering why i'm awake at this time, it's because i have awakened from my wonderful sleep. this little fella inside is probably doing some sort of a somersault. i've been talking to him/her about going easy on the movements hehehe.

this now brings me back to the topic on the baby's gender. a friend of mine told me that she is 90% sure it will be a boy because of the strong kicks. she said she didn't feel so much kicking with her baby girl. funny but that's her basis hehehe. however, another friend would tell me she is positive that we are getting a baby girl because i didn't have drastic changes on the way i look ever since the start of my pregnancy and that this is how it is for most moms who are having baby girls. some say mothers also dream about their baby's gender. but until we get this ultrasound done in december, we can't get a confirmation on the baby's gender yet. maybe it's fun to have a poll on this.

alright now, the movements have already subsided, baby should already be resting. and my writing is already making me sleepy. *yawn* i'll get back to my precious sleep now.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

my grown-up birthday wish

Free Clipart Picture of a Birthday Cake with Candles. Click Here to Get Free Images at Clipart Guide.com
yes, the november 11 u.s. veterans day is also joanne's day!

i just turned 32 today but i never felt any older, just wiser (ahem). maybe it’s because i love what i’m seeing in the mirror each day--a bulging stomach, joke. i thought if there’s anything i want granted for my birthday this year, it will not be for myself but for the rest of my family to be happier. i especially wish for my siblings to finally achieve what they want in their lives and for dad to feel that he’s not alone despite being left behind by mom.

my birthday was simply celebrated in the privacy of our home. me and my husband shared together the special pancit that he had cooked for me. cheers for a long life of togetherness! pancit is his specialty. it's funny because when he was still single, he's not doing any cooking at their house, but now he's doing a lot more cooking than i do. i believe it's true that the saying also applies to us women: the best way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. hmmm, i guess i'm referring to my pregnancy and my fascination for food.

i am more than happy and grateful for the many good things and blessings that came my way, and i'm sure there's more to come. so i could only thank God for everything.

i'm also thankful for my family (including my in-laws), officemates and friends who sent their birthday wishes. thanks for remembering.

to geeten, marie, my friend, i’d like to thank you for the cute mittens. you’d make a very good ninang someday hahaha *wink*

Monday, November 10, 2008

my defining moment

nobody goes through this life without ever experiencing their "downs", not even the wealthiest of people. when i was still single, i would recall going back home with my folks everytime i feel like i needed some time off to lift my spirit (don't get me wrong, i don't only go home when i'm troubled, i also go home to visit my family and in a happy state). and i would always remember, it's always my mom who notices my unhappy mode and she would always try to get me to talk about it. and from there we would have a long conversation. that's what i missed about my mom. i missed our talks, her warm, caring and thoughtful ways. i guess God would understand why i still feel sad sometimes about losing her too early. i thought it was too early for her to be taken away from us. i thought she'd get to see how i've grown from a helpless lass to a mature lady and an expectant mom. i thought she'd have the chance to see my baby. but we lost her. we lost her to brain aneurysm. we lost her to God. i don't feel bad about it, just sad. i just missed her, that's all. especially now. although hubby or the rest of the family would always be there to listen, you would want to discuss your fears and worries to your mom, right? i don't know so much about being a mom YET (i'm almost there though) but having a mom beside you gives you that certain distinct comfort. since that's not possible anymore, i just prayed to God that He would always guide me to become a good wife and mother like her. and everytime i call on Him, i feel a sense of relief and peace in my heart. makes me want to look forward to more brighter days ahead.

so now, i'm sharing this song to anyone reading this. i hope this will touch your heart as it had touched mine.



my eyes aren't sleepy yet as i've slept almost the whole afternoon. but i'm way past bedtime, so i have to sleep now, even if it would take a lot of counting sheeps.

Friday, November 7, 2008

what suits you?

(I don't know if this one's funny but everytime I think about this little fiasco I made with my boss years ago, I can't help but laugh at it. I'm realizing now, my terrible hearing might have probably been the cause of this blunder.)

In my previous job, I had an opportunity to work for an Indian boss. He is intelligent and speaks good English, although sometimes I had trouble with his accent--no offense meant, it's just that I'm used to conversing with Filipino bosses who speak the language like it's spoken in our native tongue. I also learned that he can speak and understand a word or phrase of our Cebuano dialect. In one of our conversations, he had asked me to “schedule a meeting with the team tomorrow”. Since he will also be attending that meeting, I asked him what time of the day the said meeting should be scheduled. He answered “What suits you?” but it was not audible enough that I thought he said “Alas ocho”.The way we tell time is influenced by Spanish, alas ocho means 8:00--so I thought he meant 8:00 a.m. Acknowledging him, I said, “Ah, alas ocho” and wrote it down. He corrected me at once, telling me that he said he meant that I can decide on whatever time I choose. Oh my, blooper! I was greatly embarrassed but I tried not to show it, so I picked up and smiled, “Alas ocho would be fine”. :)

Thursday, November 6, 2008

remembering my high school days

i was looking forward to go home with my husband to my native land San Carlos City, Negros Occidental (trivia: this november also, our humble city just celebrated our annual fiesta) to attend our high school alumni homecoming this coming december 13th. i was told about it months earlier, i thought i could come but i guess i have to put long hours of travel aside now that my tummy is getting bigger. i figured it would be a tiring and unpleasant journey for me since i feel like i have to give in to the call of nature most of the time. besides, we need to be extra careful about spending this time around in preparation for our little one.

i really wish i could come and meet all my friends, teachers, classmates and schoolmates that i haven’t seen for ages. colegio de santa rita, my alma mater, i miss you. and thank you for bringing out the best in me.

there’s nothing i can do but to reminisce about my good old high school days. this picture with my high school buddies really brings back good memories. i hope my friends will forgive me for posting this pic in my blog. don't worry guys, they can't recognize you now with this photo. hopefully. :)


The ZYCONJOANIANNE

food watch: oh my, panini!

i woke up with a bad stomach today, must be the panini i ate last night for dinner at the food court. it was my first time to try it. it did taste great but somehow the pita sandwich with all the fresh vegetables with cheese and chicken spread didn't do me any good. or maybe i just can't survive without rice in my meals. i guess i have to take this one out of my food choices, at least until my pregnancy is due. better safe than sorry.

my tummy is getting bigger. i realized i'm already having a hard time putting on my panty standing up hehehe. funny but true. and my appetite is pretty much impressive, it's back in circulation. i feel like ordering and eating all the food i see and want but i have to watch what i eat and my weight so i won't have to deal with health problems affecting me and the baby later on. have to remind myself again about not literally eating for two.

time to go. have to prepare for work.

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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

is it a boy or a girl?

question: if you were a first-time parent-to-be, would you like to know ahead the sex of your baby?

for some hopeful parents, they want to keep the sex of their babies a suspense but, as for me and hubby, we are dying to find out! but whether the baby be a boy or girl, we will love him or her just the same.

i'm already nearing the 5th month of my pregnancy, so i guess the ultrasound can already detect the gender of our baby. it should give us the thrill and excitement to shop ahead for baby garments and stuff. hmmm, couldn't wait to find out but we will do this in december though when our budget is not too tight hehe. so for now, we'll have to keep guessing. :)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

are you prepared to die?

are you prepared to die? this was asked by the priest during his homily today. this is not the first time that we've heard this question but almost always, this will get us to think and reflect on the way we have lived our lives. have we lived it in a way that is pleasing to God? if we know we would be facing death today, are we really prepared for it?

i've been pondering on this question. i wasn't prepared to accept that mom would be leaving us last year. even when her body was no longer responding to the medicines, even when the doctor told us that the surgery can no longer be done, i was still holding on to the possibility that she will be able to make it. i wasn't prepared for her death then because everything came so fast. eventually, i had to deal with the fact that she's returned to our Creator. more than she is my mom, and dad's wife, she is God's daughter, too.

we will never know how and when we are going to die. but we will all have our time. i guess that should be enough to remind us that everything in this life is temporary. that we should embrace death as a gift from God. death is not the end. it is the beginning. our chance to finally be in communion with God.

am i prepared to die? i've tried to direct this question to myself. it's a bit scary but i thought a lot about it. especially now that i'm pregnant. they say when you're pregnant, your one foot is placed forward, six feet below the ground. well, anything can happen to us between now and tomorrow, awake or asleep. so i'd say, "Lord, your will be done!"

happy all souls day. :)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

no pain, no pain...

i have been sleeping on my left side ever since i learned that it's not good for a pregnant woman to lay flat on her back as it affects the circulation and blood flow to the baby. i am not so comfortable with this recommended position as i'm used to sleeping flat on my back or stomach when i wasn't pregnant but i wouldn't want to do anything to harm my baby so i had to keep this one on my sacrifice list. i say sacrifice because i haven't been getting a full night's sleep with this position. takes a matter of getting used to. i usually get up in the middle of the night with some pain in my right butt and the back of my leg. sometimes i find it difficult to get up because of the pain. i had to do some leg stretching and self-motivation just to be able to get out of bed and relieve me of the pain.

well, i must confess i don't exercise regularly. although i keep myself mobile most of the time, i now realize it's still not enough especially that i'm putting on more weight as my pregnancy advances. my poor and usually unbalanced diet is also one of the culprits of the pain and discomfort i've been feeling lately. so i guess it's not too late to eat healthy, do some safe exercises and long walks. and enjoy this pregnancy. i would definitely do anything right just to keep me and the baby healthy and to keep my husband from worrying about me.

and i guess it helps if i don't complain too much. smile, though my joints are aching hehehe

Thursday, October 30, 2008

is it the thought that counts? or the tears that fell?

what else is new? i cried again today. i don't know if i can always blame it to hormones and pregnancy stuff but i've been emotionally unstable lately. my emotions are sometimes uncontrollable. when we got home from work, there was one birthday card waiting for him, with a free fastfood meal ticket as a birthday treat. it's from the telecommunications company. call it pathetic but i really felt so bad that i broke into tears because i didn't get anything for my husband's birthday, not even a simple birthday card, like the one he just received.

i've been meaning to get him something for his birthday but since we always go out and go to work together, i didn't have the chance to sneak around and play the thoughtful wife. i had my chance yesterday morning when we had to file for a leave. we had to go separate directions to save some time--he went out to renew his driver's license while i had to visit my ob gyne for my vitamins. unfortunately, ob gyne didn't show up on time, so i wasted the rest of my time waiting for dra. prima donna (you'll have to excuse me for this name-calling) to arrive. and then after that, it was already time to head back to the office.

anyhow, i guess it's the thought that counts. and the tears that fell. husband knows wife loves him so much. i am dedicating this space to my better half, stephen. here are words for your birthday....

my life partner
my best friend
my soulmate
my husband
thank you
for being the man
i can always lean upon
thank you
for loving me
and letting me be
who i am
thank you for the many ways
you've shown your love and respect
thank you for being honest with me
even from the very start
thank you for the ears that always listen
thank you for the hands that never let me slip
thank you for your heart that cares
thank you for this baby in my womb
i love you...
everything about you...
happy birthday, pangga!

Monday, October 27, 2008

we are a work in progress

“We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.-- Phyllis Koss”

there's one SMS from my mother in-law that has kept me smiling today. it made me remember and reminisce the day stephen and i made our vows. she said she had remembered what they went through that day. they didn't realize that the driver sent them to the wrong church. to make matters worst, their car almost ran out of gas to be able to make it to the right church on time!

in our case (with mom and dad), we were also frantic because we were stuck in traffic. we had our travel time delayed because we were also waiting for the van of my entourage to arrive but it was nowhere in sight. we waited a little while longer until dad decided to have them ride taxicabs, instead. the traffic in country mall also made us worry if we would ever make it to church on time. mom was very calm and optimistic, though. she just prayed out loud to God that He would help us get to church on time.

luckily, and with God's grace, we made it to our wedding. when we arrived, there were several calls from the church commentator already for the wedding march to start. we were like five to ten minutes late. whew, we were really glad the priest didn't walk out on us.

my tensed face was replaced with relief and gladness when i caught sight of my groom who arrived three minutes earlier than we did.

next thing i knew i was already walking down the aisle with him during the march. and everyone was looking at me like i'm the prettiest bride that day. well, that made sense, because they got to witness only one wedding that day also. cool!

i was happy the wedding ceremony went well. we just realized after the ceremony though that we have placed each other's wedding ring in the middle finger. what a blooper!

then rain came pouring down before everyone had the chance to proceed to the reception area (the Fatima Social Hall) just a few meters from the church. some guests were able to make it to the reception without getting wet but some weren’t so lucky. we weren’t able to give everyone a ride in our bridal car. anyway, despite all these, we were just so glad to still see all happy faces during the reception.

speaking of reception, we were supposed to distribute giveaways but because of the rain, we’ve forgotten all about it. they just stayed there inside the trunk of the car. we just remembered all about it when the wedding was over. belated souvenirs, beat that!

we got everyone a nice treat, though- as we got Sonata singers to entertain our guests. my husband who happens to be Mr. Shy Type told me he didn’t want any wedding dance to happen but, to my surprise, the band got him to dance with me! yipeee..

before we knew it, we already said our thank-you’s and goodbyes to everybody. we’re up for honeymoon time! we were greeted at the hotel with a nice sparkling wine as a complimentary gift. definitely, the best part! no, not referring to the wine :)

just like our wedding day, there had been unexpected turns in our life but we’re glad to have faced them both together as a couple. it’s definitely been a year of life's bliss. and still counting. as my good friend and ku-marie sheila had said, to which stephen and i both agree, we have received the greatest wedding anniversary gift already. our future offspring. still developing inside my womb. wrapping out soon.

Friday, October 24, 2008

my mom's legacy

i am such a cry-baby. i cry over even the smallest of things--sad commercials, soap operas, sad movie endings, stomach cramps, etc. you can just imagine how it is going with me especially now that i am pregnant. hormones, yes, that's a good guess. or maybe i am just plainly old me!

you see, i was watching my favorite drama on tv "Iisa Pa Lamang" and i felt so bad that i could relate to the sad plight of claudine barretto's character where it got me teary-eyed. in-between commercials, i was also going through our wedding album and found my mom's letter safely kept in one of those picture holders. mommy wrote it for me and stephen the morning after our wedding. i cried again. her letter would always touch my heart even though i've re-read it several times. i realized that this was the last letter she had made for me (and hubby). it pains me still. i'm happy. i'm sad. it's always a roller coaster ride. i'm happy because i know where she is right now. in a safe place. but i'm sad, too. coz i thought she'd still be here for long. i'm looking forward to our wedding anniversary because mom was also a special part of it but it's also nearing december and that's the time we lost her last year. we never even got the chance to celebrate christmas with her. :(

going back to this letter, i would like to share this one on the internet because i'm proud of my mom. she has left me quite a legacy. this was simply written, but was definitely written from the heart.

Everdearest Joanne and Stephen,

Greetings!

You are now entering a new life of togetherness, full of hope and anticipation with all its benefits and obligations that go along with it. Trust and Pray to God alone for help that you both and your future children can triumph over trifles. There are many thorns in every roses, despite the fragrance and beauty they bring. God made it so- so you can learn to render sacrifices when there's trials. Why are there trials? Because our humility is tested - to accept our faults and follies and learn to forgive and be forgiven. Love is so wonderful... if you continue to love each other for better or for worse, in health and sickness. Always try to patch things up before sundown. Don't allow self-pity. Remember you love each other, so be strong against temptations and trials. If you get angry at anything be soft to say it so that it shall not build up to be a wall against harmony. Never allow to forget to eat when hunger urged you to eat. Even if you have misunderstanding, don't use the grace of God - your food on the table - to wait till you're cool. Patch up at once- so that your immune system will be working well with your body and soul. A sick body is a sick soul. Always look at things in positive direction. Always Love God before anything. In everything, in every thought, in every decision - ask GOD for direction. Marriage is so wonderful but 2 must work for it.

Love,
Mom

Thursday, October 23, 2008

is it still a secret if i knew all about it?

have you ever found out something about someone you wished you hadn't? everybody has secrets. some things weren't meant to be revealed but for some reason, somebody makes a complete idiot of himself/herself and messed it up. well, at least that's how it occurred to me. everytime i bump into this person, i thought to myself, "how can you ruin yourself like that?" i know in the eyes of many, this person is somebody you would want to look up to, emulate or something but quite sadly, he/she is a complete disappointment. nobody's perfect, indeed, but i guess this one won't make a decent excuse. we are all capable for our actions. we are responsible for our own mess. how in the world is he/she going to fix that? i wonder. i'm sure somebody else knows about this "secret" stuff. if it's any consolation, i'm not gonna blow it. that secret is safe with me, even though i honestly never liked what i knew. hmmm, i had better stop this before it turns out to be a blind item.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

not feeling good today

Free Smileys & Emoticons at Clipart of.com
i've been sneezing for the nth time today. stuffy nose, heavy head, sore throat, what-have-you. not feeling quite well. i guess i caught a really bad cold. flu perhaps. and it's interfering with my concentration at work! all the prize we have to pay for being pregnant, tsk tsk. i just hope that this will go away soon or else i might have to ask my doctor to prescribe me something safe to relieve me of this condition. will have to wait until sunday though for my next scheduled pre-natal visit. meanwhile, i'll have to make do with drinking lots of water and getting some rest whenever i can.

extra bonus: i feel very sleepy! hopefully, next year, i'll be more productive. this year, i believe, i'm entitled to a maximum tolerance. :)

okay, i have to get back to work now. just had lunch and i wasn't enjoying my meal. appetite is definitely on leave, indefinitely.

Friday, October 17, 2008

IRENE SILVA -- making a name in U.K.

i can't let a few more blogs pass without featuring Irene Silva, now making a name in the UK and overseas. as her cousin (she's Tito Manny's daughter, so we're first cousins!), i'm proud of her talent. good luck, irene! check out her debut single below.

planning on dining out?




eating outside the house, literally. one of the things i miss doing back home in medellin. it's a fun way of enjoying each other's company without ever having to dress up and leave home. this is our great bonding alternative when we want to spend quality time together as a family but do not have enough budget to go to the beaches or anywhere else. and the author of this activity? my late mommy diana. when she received money as a gift from her sweet sister abroad, she bought this tent for this purpose. we would set up the tent, dining table and chairs whenever we want to have lunch together outside the house. cool air, good ambience, perfect family bonding. memories of mom. they keep coming. i will always miss her and the many great things she has taught us.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Bridget Jones: that's not my name! :)

Looking back, I never thought I would ever find someone I would marry. It was even hard to get myself a boyfriend for an inspiration. I guess I’ve never been that attractive to men. While most women have been blessed with good looks and good curves, I have been blessed with brains more than the physical aspect. I’m not saying I’m too ugly to be with anybody. It’s just that I had a lot more insecurities at that time than I can handle. I was young then. I hated it when people and "so-called" friends notice your flaws instead of focusing on the positive things about you. In short, I have always felt less beautiful but I have somehow managed to hide my insecurities by always being the funny and witty girl around. I was always everybody’s friend. I was always the unattached. By being so, I have excused myself from being somebody’s apple of the eye. But it was always my family who saw me as beautiful. My mom would always say I’m a late bloomer, the reason why I haven’t met my guy yet.

I then kept praying to God to liberate me out of my insecurities. That’s when I was able to accept and love myself. Then I started to care for myself even more. I decided I should love myself first before I could love someone else and being loved in return. It didn’t take long for me to feel beautiful after that.

To cut the story short, I had met and dated a few before I met the right one. The first time I saw him, I thought he was familiar. I even said to myself, “This guy would make a good husband.” How in the world did I know that? I barely knew him coz I was a newcomer in the company. At that time, I realized he was very attached with somebody. So instantly I have cut my illusions about him being God-sent for me.

Then I went on with my life being the unattached. Keeping myself busy with my job. And always praying to God. I realized that there are lots of things going on in your head when you’re twenty-something. You’ll start to think about your purpose in life. I kept praying to God for direction.

Two years after, we were already in the same situation, he became unattached. No matter how long you'd be in a relationship, if it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be. He courted me when he was already free and ready to be in a new relationship. We've already known each other for years and so it didn’t take long for our personalities to jive.

We got married a year after. And surprised a few colleagues. They didn’t think we would end up to be mister and missus. Or maybe not too soon. Well, surprise, surprise!

Now I’m 18 weeks pregnant. We will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary this month. It hasn’t been a long journey, but so far, we’ve surpassed all the trials that came along. We never stopped praying to God that He would bless our married life. I felt that He did! Who could ask for more?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

pregnancy complications

it's been awhile since my last update. somehow i've acquired some complications that go along with my pregnancy. for one, i believe it's major laziness. i just realized i haven't been very useful in the house lately. my husband doesn't complain much about it although i try to make it up by doing the laundry. i get easily tired and sleepy most of the time. waking up early and getting to work on time is also a major problem, hubby has to drag me out of bed. good thing, though, we haven't been tardy since the start of my pregnancy but every working day has always been a rush hour. oops, i know this wouldn't sell for a movie. sorry, jackie chan!

if there's anything i'm crazy about doing-- it's eating! the first trimester was a disaster, i almost can't eat anything. now that i am already in my 17th week, i am literally eating for two. i know i should watch my diet but i really can't help it. my growing appetite is a major hindrance. hubby thinks i am making my pregnancy as an excuse to eat anything i like because he knows i love to eat even when i was still single. but really -- this is different. my appetite is getting strange these days. i get hungry most of my waking time :). in fact, it's almost dinner time. hubby is cooking "utan bisaya", a dish with all the vegetables that we love. it's pure good stuff this time. i can eat for two again, without feeling guilty.

okay, so it means i'm ending this blog now. i have to do my share in preparing the table. hmmm, am i getting useful or what? i love my husband!!!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

a dream within a dream

i thought i've finally freed myself from experiencing weird dreams, but i guess i'll just have to get used to it. like sequels to a movie. last night, i was dreaming of my mom visiting me. for all you know, it hasn't been a year since she passed away. in that dream, i woke up in the middle of the night to find her sitting on a chair in the right side of the bed, watching me sleep, like a mom (she's my mom!) watching her little baby. it was weird because we don't have a chair near our bed. i felt groggy but i was so happy to see mom. we started to have a conversation but i didn't realize i had awakened my husband from his sleep. he asked me who i was talking to. i was about to tell him about mom's presence but she hurriedly ran downstairs and left. i cried because i didn't understand why mom left. hubby said there was no one else in the house but him and me. that's when i remembered that she's already on the other side of the world. and then i woke up and realized it was just a dream.

and then i woke up and realized it was just a dream. a dream within a dream! it was one weird dream, all right. but i was happy to see mom in a good form, even if it's just a dream. i now realize, she's never too far away. we connect through prayers and dreams.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

classical music

when it comes to music, i can say that i am eclectic. i don’t just listen to a particular genre. suffice it to say, i know good music when i hear one. well, it’s not a crime to claim to be music-minded. after all, this is my blog hehe. right now, though, as my pregnancy progresses, i am more careful about the music i listen to. i learned that there were studies about loud and aggressive music being linked to birth defects. true or not, most (if not all) hopeful moms would like to be always on the safe side. so, i say, no more rap, grunge or hard rock at this point in time.

they say classical music is best for the unborn child because this type of music has soothing and calming qualities. now i’m beginning to love mozart and beethoven. i don’t restrict myself to classical music, though. love songs and other pleasant melodies can add up to my okay list.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

weird dreams, anyone?

i was taken aback when i recently had some series of weird dreams. they were weird but they felt so real that it had me wondering what these dreams really mean. in one of those dreams, my husband was really mad at me that he sent me mean words through SMS. i thought it's really weird, why would he express his anger through SMS when he would have said it to my face since we are living in one roof? and it was not like my husband at all, totally opposite from the real world. in another dream, i was running so fast just to get to school. it was really weird because i went back to high school. and here's another weird but scary dream -- in my prenatal visit, the doctor told me that there was something wrong with my pregnancy but she said she will not tell me about it, because if she did, i might resort to committing suicide. it felt so helpless in the dream, i kept crying about the situation because another doctor honestly told me that i had "stage 3". there was no mention of cancer, just "stage 3". my head was really confused at that instant and i kept thinking, "what will happen to me?" ... "will i lose my precious baby?" or "will I lose my life?" thankfully, i woke up and realized it was all a dream. a bad dream.

it's not that i haven't been praying before going to bed. hubby and i regularly take turns in leading the prayer. so i got really upset about those weird and bad dreams. it was a relief to find that these weird dreams are common during pregnancy, especially during the second trimester. change in hormones. adjustment to changes in the body, etc. i thought maybe i should pray harder and keep myself more comfortable in bed. and keep bad thoughts about my pregnancy away. the internet can also be a helpful tool for a first-timer like me.

thank God, it's been two days of sleeping minus those weird and bad dreams. if there was any, i can't remember any of it when i woke up.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

An ULTRAsound Experience

I was on my third month of pregnancy when ob gyne recommended me to have a transvaginal ultrasound. I told her that I needed proof of this pregnancy for my early SSS maternity notification. Doppler can’t still recognize the baby’s heartbeat yet, my baby is still shy :). So there you go, to keep my inexperienced self from worrying about what’s going on inside my womb, I decided I’ve got to get this transv ultrasound done. I’ve been having qualms about it because I know it’s going to be real awkward. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa! My helpless self couldn’t believe I’d go through this. I know that in some countries, this is already part of their prenatal procedure but I really couldn’t help being uncomfortable with it. Nonetheless, I said to myself, I shouldn’t be afraid or be uneasy with it. I’ll probably have more of this uneasy feeling as my pregnancy progresses, especially when the big day comes when I would bring this baby out to this world.

My ob gyne referred me to a clinic where I would undergo the transv ultrasound. I thought of backing off because I learned that the doctor in charge (radiologist) is a MALE! I told hubby it would be even more awkward to do this but he just laughed at me because he knew I would still do it, anyway. The radiologist must have sensed my awkwardness to this procedure that he said it would be okay to have my husband come with me to the examination room. I even asked him if I would feel pain during the procedure and he answered with a smile, "No, you're already married." If we might call it a lucky day, he had a female assistant insert the what-looks-like-a-rod (they call “transducer”) with a condom that has lubricated gel on it. At least he didn’t see my private me :)

And so, here’s the happy part, I forgot all about being uncomfortable even when he took hold of the transducer and navigated the stuff to take some images of my uterus and ovaries. It was indeed a magical thing to see a small-sized head in the monitor. Hubby had a great smile on his face when he saw that a small and real life is doing okay in my womb.

Whew, it was indeed an awkward but cool experience. :)

Road to Motherhood

This is my first pregnancy. At 31. Hopefully, I will be 32 when the baby comes out. It's only been less than a year since hubby and I got married but we're already praying for it. Yes, age has something to do with it, the decision not to put off pregnancy. We wanted to make sure we can have at least one baby before it gets too late.

I'm not what you may call an expert in this field. Neither is hubby. But luckily, after having been disappointed a lot of times, I got a positive result on my home pregnancy test! The next day after, I tried to test again just to make sure I get the same positive result. Voila, hubby and I couldn't contain our happiness.

I guess I will be writing more about my pregnancy every so often. My moods, experiences, interests and probably a lot more. I hope to be able to update this blog regularly so I would forever remember what it's like to be pregnant for the first time. To anyone who might be interested in following this blog, thank you for your time. Feel free to share your inputs with me as I journey on the road to motherhood. :)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

writing to get sleepy

it's long past bedtime and i'm still wide awake. somehow my afternoon nap had triggered this unsleepy mode. hubby had been sleeping for more than three hours now. i'm sitting here in this little side of the bed, trying to write something. i'm not sure if it's a good thing but writing has a soporific effect on me. everytime i start to write something, my sleepiness sets in. now, does that make me a budding writer? bad writer.. hehehe c'mon, be nice. i'll be in bed with stephen a few minutes from now. i've been thinking, what have i done to deserve this guy? everyday i'm so grateful to God for giving me my match. he's not the romantic or mushy type but he sure has a way of making my heart melt. why, because he is a man of action. and a prayerful guy. he can be serious and funny, too. everyday i've discovered more good things about him. i've read somewhere that your husband can be your real best friend. i'm seeing it happening now. i'm sure mom's happy watching me from above--her son-in-law takes really good care of her daughter. we may have some trials along the way but life is definitely full of gifts and surprises. like the one i'm having now.. a new life is beginning. an answered prayer. forever grateful to God.

how far have i gone? bed is calling. i have an appointment with O.B. tomorrow. good night to me.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

home sweet home

i'm not meant to live alone, turn this house into a home....
here's a look at the house we've acquired through housing loan, payable in 30 years. this is still bare inside and needs a lot of work. for practical reasons, we've already moved to this house even though it's not entirely finished. we can't afford to pay the rent of an apartment while paying monthly amortization at the same time. we will just have to make the improvements as soon as we have saved enough for it. i'm happy to be anywhere else with my husband. now we've got a house to go home to everyday. and we look forward to making all our dreams realized. we're simple beings with simple dreams.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

we braved strong winds...

unaware of typhoon frank to also hit the north of cebu, we rode a bus heading to medellin, cebu where we would be visiting dad and attending the fiesta the day after. me and my husband were on a different adventure. it was quite an experience. it was my first time to be in such a stormy ordeal. this was not anything i have imagined. we were traveling on a reallly bad weather. we rode the 6 p.m. bus going to medellin. normally, it could have only been a three-hour ride with all the stop-overs but the typhoon held us captive in the streets. power and telephone posts gave way. trees fell on the roads and blocked our way. the town officials had to help out and clear the road from those fallen trees. we were praying to God that He would bring us all home safely to our families. it was almost 4 a.m. (can you believe that?) when we got off the bus. we still had to walk a few meters from the guardhouse in order to reach home. there was power blackout. with optimism still residing in us, we thought, at least it was already it.. home is near. what we didn't know was that the old acacia tree and the light post inside the compound also gave way and blocked the road. we were only using the light from my very outdated cellphone. it was a bit funny coz i can no longer hold on to the call of nature and so i decided to answer the call of nature beside the fallen acacia tree. i felt comfortable after that. the next thing i know we were already crawling under the fallen tree so we could get past it. wet clothes, wet shoes. we got home safe, though. no injuries. it felt good to have overcome what we call "obstacles". it wasn't something we have wished to experience but it sure felt good to have surpassed everything. thank you God.

the fiesta was cancelled. it was certainly not a good time to celebrate.

on a sadder note... the ship, Princess of the Stars, owned by Sulpicio Lines, sank in the typhoon and claimed the lives of hundreds of its passengers. why does anything like this have to happen? Act of God or act of man?

Friday, June 20, 2008

desperate but hopeful

i've been waiting for you
i've been expecting you
i guess you just want us
to keep anticipating
i will be happiest to hold you in my arms
sing you beautiful songs
and tell you stories
when will you come?
or will you ever come?

it's not even a year after my marriage but i've already experienced this "baby fever", the sheer wanting to have a baby. sometimes it's quite a disappointment to have several missed periods and negative pregnancy test results. why am i not like some women? i wonder why there are so many unwanted pregnancies out there when there's one hopeful woman out here wanting to conceive? will God deny me the chance to become a mother? we don't know yet. all i know is that i don't have all the time to wait. each year that this dream is not realized, it lessens my chance of becoming one. i'm not getting any younger, ya know. God, please let me be...

boy, did i sound desperate?... must be the rain... Comments, anyone?

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Don Moen's REVIVAL Concert

Last april 11th, we had the chance to listen to Don Moen's songs live at the U.S.P. Open Grounds in Lahug, Cebu City. It was really a good experience. I can't fully describe how I felt that night but I've been crying for almost the whole run of the concert. Tears of happiness would be a good guess. I felt so happy that I'm sharing this experience with my husband, that we both agreed to buy tickets to the show. Well, I really would have wanted to watch in the front row but I have compromised to buy the general admission tickets since this is more or less out of our budget. Anyways, front row or not, we still felt God's presence that night. I felt so happy and blessed that me and my husband are one in rejoicing and praising God.

just a few musings here and there....

i wrote this one months ago, sorry for the late post... :)

TO PEACE AND FREEDOM

what do i really want to write today? well, you see, work has always been keeping us busy. getting up early. deadlines. work extensions. production output. fear of getting feedbacks from client. definitely trying to keep things in order. whoahh, things could never get as stressful as this. and what do you know, that's not all. there are lots of things that have gotten into my nerves these days. i call these petty annoyances. they're petty but somehow they still get into my nerves. good thing though they don't stay up too long. i always try to get it out of my system right away. there are far more important things to think about, anyway.

when i'm feeling something other than being happy, my husband notices it. i am very transparent. and i couldn't help it. i can't show a smile when something is bothering me. i'm not the frowning type, though. most of the time i put on a happy face. this is why it's easy to know when i'm distracted about something or somebody. that only proves i'm not a hypocrite :) hmm, i can get a little defensive, too.

if there is one song i would need to sing to myself everytime a person gets into my nerves because i find his or her actions or words offensive, it would be a line from the song "Ebony and Ivory" ... "We all know that people are the same wherever we go. There is good and bad in everyone..." this way i am being reminded that i should learn to accept the other person's weaknesses. there is good and bad in everyone. yes, and definitely, i am no exception. as to the extent of the goodness and the bad, well, it doesn't really matter. what matters is that we recognize that we need to change for the better. it's nice to live in perfect harmony. no enemies. no grudges. no stress. no hatred. no guilt. just peace. and freedom.

ah yes.. there is good and bad in everyone... but let's not make this one as an excuse.. we all need to change for the better. and if it takes a frown to get you or me a message, then I guess it needs to show.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

patience meter: ^%$#@@@@&&^%!!!!!!%#!!!!

what is it with some people? why are they not careful with the words they say? a never-ending question. i'm not buying all that personality excuses. if we can't be polite with somebody, might as well shut up. grrrrrr... all that blog i just read today about "annoying people" with all the reasons why they exist in our lives suddenly returns to me.

patience. patience. patience. everything and everyone requires patience. got loads of it, usually; however, don't go beyond my limits coz i'm only human. in the words of natalie imbruglia, "i could sting like a bee, careful how you treat me."
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